Mostly Harmless

Just a quickie today. If you are in the Solar System, do not not forget to pop into a small ball of water and dirt called Earth:


(The Earth from the edge of their stellar system – a mere 18 billion of their miles away)

With six space ports in the Northern Hemisphere (Kennedy, Baikonur, Guiana, Jiuquan, Satish and Tanegashima acting as entreports to this insignificant planet and none in the Southern Hemisphere, finding an available take-off or landing slot can be tricky. Teleportation devices are very useful when trying to access Earth.

A fair minority of the local bipeds have just discovered the use portable entertainment devices. Hence while they are commuting from one side of their world to the other (which due to their primitive use of fossil fuels can take between half and one of their daily rotation periods) they are often engrossed in the entertainment output of their own species. Most of the time, this involves watching members of their own species copulate with each other (and occasionally copulate with other species). However, due to their lack of interstellar travel they have still not discovered the pleasures of either Vulcan Love Slaves or Jaba’s brothel and emporium. Hence what they believe to be sex is in fact a much watered down version of the real thing.

There are some quite interesting sites to visit while on the planet. And amazingly, the local bipeds have built some impressive settlements. However, it is best to travel incognito. Already, there are too many wars in between the different areas of this planet as they are not used to people looking mildly different from each other – imagine if they found out that you had different genetics.

The main languages spoken are Insectoid and Russian. To be honest, most of the planet speaks its own languages and believe that the other species harbour no intelligence. These Earthlings have not yet discovered the ability of telepathy. For the most stimulating conversation however, head beneath the water’s surface (which covers the bulk of this rock) where you will be able to have a great time with a Warm Blooded species called Dolphins. They are also the kinkiest species this planet has to offer.

Apart from sex, the local inhabitants seem to spend a great deal of time eating. Some of the best food is found in the land of McDonalds and is served by its ruler, the King of the Burgers.

The climate is Mostly Harmless. Water does not boil anywhere. Due to the mostly pleasant climate, Silicone is a stable element throughout the globe has been harnessed by some of the local bipeds as a way to grow certain parts of their anatomy.

Local currency is a flimsy Earth metal known as Gold. Otherwise they also throw bits of paper and plastic at each other.

Good luck. And for a more detailed guide, written by some very aware bipeds, click here!

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3 Comments

Filed under fun, humor, places, travel

3 responses to “Mostly Harmless

  1. Douglas Adams eat your heart out! (And rest in peace.)

  2. That was really funny. Loved the many jabs you made; the silicone one made me laugh as I wasn’t expecting it. 🙂

  3. Thanks for the quickie post! It made me laugh which is a great day-starter.

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