…there you were, all smug in the spring, thinking you could take over the world with your ‘contacts’ and your ‘genius ideas’. You decided to ‘lord it over me’, with your ‘superior’ knowledge, smarts and supposedly greater artistic qualities. And yet, in the intervening six months what have you done? Come on, I want to know, what have you done with your life!
In spring, you thought you were better than me, you thought you could outsmart me, you decided to compete with me. So I let you be. After all, I’ve had enough of your company. Your arrogance, the way you decide to fawn to the people who spit on you and your ideas. And your pettiness. Maybe it is because you are scared at being left in the shadows, that is the reason you curse the sunlight?
And yet, I have seen you do nothing in those intervening months. Talk is cheap, and while I have had the ballsiness to go out in the world and lift my ideas up to be scrutinised, what have you done? You have scuttled away, back to your little hole, in order to plot and plan some more. Grin. Go on, do that little grin again. Remember that little sly grin you gave when you started to tell me about your plans?
Well, I have put my plans into action. I may not be proceeding forward as I had hoped, nor may I be even going in the direction that I expected. But, at least I am going somewhere, doing something with my life, trying to become a better person. And yes, it is a scary journey, but I never try to hide my fears After all, this blog is a window onto my on soul. But you? Your plans have not even been enacted.
After all the mockery, those big words in the spring, where are you now? Scared. Alone. Hiding away. Biding your time, like some bitter piece of ginger, no good to anyone. Rotting away, with more ‘ideas’, more ‘genius’ plans. Keep smiling. Keep grinning with those thoughts. Those images. But try to put those plans into action. Unlike you, I will never mock someone for going ahead with their ideas, their hopes and their dreams. But I think you are a pitiful person. For you have not even had the ability to carry out those plans. What’s wrong? Scared? It is scary, isn’t it! Achieving the impossible. But that is what I strive for everyday.
If you had tried, shown that you had made an effort with yourself, I would not be writing this. Instead, I would have praised you, even supported you. For I do not hold a grudge with someone who wishes to make themselves better. As for you, jealous as you are, you will do anything to thwart me and my ideas. Not because you have come up with anything better, not because you are more talented than me, but because of envy.
For some reason, you look at my life and are jealous. Poor you, if only you knew half the truth of my existence. It is not an easy one, but unlike you, I will put my best face on for the public to see. I do not share my troubles with the world, as it is not their business. Only my family truly knows what thoughts go through my mind. And that is why I have that sunny demeanor. More importantly, it is why I keep going forward. As I know who to work with and who to rely on. Not friends or acquaintances, but my own flesh and blood. If only you realised that, then maybe you would have done something with yourself these past few months.
Eventually we will meet, probably in passing. A quick hello, some uncomfortable, looks. Maybe some sour words will pass from your lips onto my ears. But you have been left behind, and you know it. And it is not because I have leapt forward in any great way. It is because you let your own fears come in the way of your own inspiration. You have let yourself down. And what a shame that is…