What a load of hot air!

Well, Copenhagen turned out to be exactly what was expected from it. A complete waste of time. Don’t believe the hype and realise that like Kyoto, the only people who won were the airline companies ferrying the delegates to and from the conference (in the greenhouse gas emitting aeroplanes).

So, what next? Well, if you’re in Bangladesh, the Maldives or the Pacific Islands, you have to realise that you’re just not that important. We in the West will continue to drive our cars to the newsagents. We’re just too lazy to walk. So, you guys will sink.

To those guys living in SubSaharan Africa, already an area filled with incompetence, don’t worry. Added to the chiefs who hold sway over your lives with AK-47’s, China will keep burning coal to keep its economy running. So you get the twin prods of mineral extraction and unreliable rainfall. If climate models are anything to go with, then this area is going to get really shafted. Unless you are the one holding the gun?

And what about us guys, here in the ‘developed world’? Well, everything will continue as normal. Denial, sorry, ‘more scientific proof’ will reign supreme, and life will seem pretty comfortable. After all, the Earth is fat and any rise in sea level will fall over the sides! All that education, and we’re no better than savages!

Caution Wet Paint – A look back at 2009…

I rarely double post, but this was an imprtant comic strip that I decided to also publish on this blog too…

View all

Get your own

This is quite a personal comic strip. It has been a tough 2009 for CWP, but rather than blog about it, I decided to illustrate it. The big question I am asking myself is ‘what do I do next?’

And to be honest, I do not know…

A look back at 2009

And so it’s good bye from the ‘Noughties’ (2)

Unlike yesterday, this is a much more personal recollection of the decade. Well, what a decade it has been! The one that is clearest in my memory, and definitely the decade that will shape my years to come. And so how was it for me? Well, that is a very good question, that could only properly be answered in a few years time as I look back and contemplate the happenings of the past ten years. But it has definitely been a decade of two halves. At the beginning of the decade, I started it in revelry on the streets of London. And by the end of the decade I also will be on the streets of London, but not as boisterous as I will be working the night shift. In between it has been an eventful ten years.

The first half of the 2000’s was spent studying and travelling. I studied far too frivolously and travelled far too hard, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I visited a war zone to reconnect with my family, I climbed temples in the jungle, taught English to kids and adults, nearly died in a desert and hiked across the lands of the Moors. And then in 2004, I made an about turn and decided to pursue filming with a vigour. I surprised everyone that knew, me, alienated quite a few of them and got stuck into the business of making films. Now, six years later, and with very little to show for that decision, the big question to ask myself of this decade is ‘has it been a waste of my life?’ After all, these are supposedly the ‘best years’, and if I fail in my quest to make a (decent) living out of writing and directing my own feature films, than I would have wasted those years on nothing more than a pipe dream.

Looking back can be almost as dangerous as looking forward. Fear grips our paths towards the future, regret litters our paths behind us. All that we really have is the present day, and the hum-drum safety net of work, eat, and sleep. And yet, as I look back, I think to myself that it has been an all right decade, but something has to give soon to make it a really spectacular one…

should’ve

Probably the easiest phrase to say to someone in the English language but one of the hardest to listen to. After all, you cannot change the past, but learn from the choices made and continue living with it and improving yourself. That is the problem with fourth dimensional movement – it is only in one direction – forwards. Our existence means that we cannot simply go back and press the reset button, or nudge ourselves earlier on in the course of our lives to take a different path. What we have done is done and one of the certainties in life is that we will always lament the decisions we have made in the past.

Of course, it does not make it any easier to listen to the incessant wailing and whining of those who are supposedly near and dear to you, telling you that you should have done this and that when you were younger. True, but I also see that their own lives are not as rosy. They will also protest the loudest when it comes to highlighting the merest deficiencies in their own existences, usually referring to the weakness of their ’spirits’ or some other mumbo-jumbo to throw you off course.

But I do look back and think maybe I should’ve done it in this way or that. Call it the human condition, but I can’t help but look back and think, sometimes with a lot of regret about the amount of time I have wasted in my life. But this path is myriad in its ways and tugging away at the edges could unravel the tapestry of my life. However there is very little to sing and dance at this moment in time…

I want to be Khan

My favourite character from history, and one of the coolest people that has ever graced the planet, Ghengis Khan. Or if you are Persian, than the worst thing since the Greeks. Ether way, I have to like this guy’s style. He had it all, the wide open steppe, horses, a cunning wife, a tyrannical mother and most of all a thirst for travel.

All right, maybe I am Romancing the Stone here, but there is definitely something to be admired when looking at Ghengis Khan’s life. I think I am going to have to buy a book soon…

Tuesday was too busy, I’m taking today off!

Today has been a night off work. Not that this has really meant much. Spent the morning washing out the wheelie bins. It’s summer, the stuf stinks and I do not want an infestation of maggots. Other handy bits of housework included repairing that tear in the shed roof (hopefully should last this winter) as well as securing the pipe that feeds gas to our fireplace against the wall.

But it was very much a CWP day too! Oh yes, this was multitasking at its best. Re-did the subtitles to Jay and Kay Save the World but also got lost in translation and produced a version with French subtitles. Oui, the whole point is to expand ‘l’horizons’ and venture into new film festival territory. Like all things involving computers, this went as smoothly as a residential road in South London. Littered with pot holes and glass. Rendering, re-rendering, finding out I had a spelling mistake in the ENGLISH SUBTITLES!!! Man, I am fed up of this computer. But finally, I managed to burn a decent copy of the DVD, with a nice little menu option (slight improvement on the original) as well as aligning my subtitles nicely so that even on a small TV set, they won’t get chopped off.

But, I am very much switching off this computer tomorrow. After all, I need to get my hands on a saw…

Random Post

Firstly, is it now okay to like the Spice Girls, some ten years after the fad passed us by? Or should I be ashamed of my love for turn of the century kitsch? And talking about turn of the century, can you believe that we are nearly through the first decade of the third Millennium AD? And why does my wireless keyboard suck at transmitting the letters that I type onto this page? Do you really think that all the spelling mistakes on this blog is simply due to my own incompetence?

But randomness aside, how are you, the reader of this blog? I generally ask for a stack of comments back to see who actually reads this. It is remarkable, that while people who I meet ‘in the flesh’ tell me that they read these spoutings, it is amazing just how few comments are left here. And talking about the real world, do you know there is a banana tree growing outside in London? With this current climate (another s**t summer to look forward to?), I am shocked that it has not withered and died.

For mangoes, betel nuts and some funky basil, then head to Bloomsbury and see the Indian Garden at the Brit Mus…

Anyhow, other than random wanders through London and more insight from the world of CWP I was asked, a couple of months back, by El Maestro, what I will be getting up to, now that there is no such immediate creative pressure. I suppose I could pass a comment on the worse of the recession being over. Oh yes, those famous green shoots. What is amusing (in a not-so-funny way) is how many in this part of the world are treating the depression as nothing more serious than a downsizing in our favourite brand of cereal. ‘The Credit Crunch’. The fundamentals of having an economy which produces nothing and is dependent on borrowing to actually live has not been addressed. Still, why bother knotting my brow? There are far more important things to do . I am off to Istanbul this winter! Yey!!!

Oh, and while I am in the free-spending mode, why not another visit to India in the Autumn? Well, I can (shockingly) afford it. Before Sterling drops to its realistic price, why not spend it like a drunkard before ‘le crunch’.

I better post a tweet. How about, just took a leak – a classic use of precious bandwidth. To think that the internet is publicised, not as a way to further humanity, nor as a cheap repository of other people having sex. It is a place where people can share the most inane details of their life, online, with a billion other drones. Well, what else am I meant to convey in 140 characters or less? The inner workings of the universe? Well, I suppose that anything is possible. I could dance with the fairies and sing with a couple of sopranos, but to be honest, my voice is better left ‘off’ than ‘on’.

I think I should eat cake. As a child I was denied cake. The fallout of having a mother who worked night shifts. So in retirement, cake is now in abundance. Diabetic joy. Other diseases that I am genetically susceptible to include high blood pressure, heart disease and anything affecting the respiratory tract. Cancer, at this moment in time, seems thankfully a distant thought. Talking about my lungs, odds on, now that I am in Swine Flu central, I will probably get it this winter. Joy. So I have a good chance of copping it before fulfilling all the things I want to do in my life. Travel the Congo River, get slapped about by a matriarchy and listen to live one of my musicals LIVE. But at least Jay and Kay are out there saving the world, for now…

So Charlie, are you still making films then?

The answer is very much YES!

Despite the recent posts on this blog which seem to be related to me wandering near and far, my main preoccupation in life has been filming, hence the name, El Director! Lately, I have not mentioned film making on this blog, mainly as I have been writing daily about the process of film making on the dedicated blog to Caution Wet Paint. And if yu want to see what I am getting upto in the world of film, it is usually a god idea to see that webpage, as I almost certainly update it on a daily basis.

So, what have I been getting up to in the world of film? Well, the adventures of Jay and Kay have continued into the world of Hi-Definition. In March I shot the main sequence and since then I have been editing This week, I put the final touches to the DVD that is currently being sent off to film festivals. At ten minutes long it is the longest incarnation of Jay and Kay to date. Go to the CWP website, and you can have a proper gander.

But why haven’t I talked about it. Well, to put it simply, I have actually been busy with the making of the film. Jay and Kay Save the World has taken up pretty much every waking thought of mine for the past third of this year, and I have been busy with the pre-production since 2008. All in all, I really want to talk about something else when I write this blog, hence the seemingly odd distractions for a director.

But there is also one other very good reason why I have not spoken much about the latest incarnation of Caution Wet Paint. Quite simply, I am terrified. For if the latest short from the CWP stable does not work, that is it, the idea is finished, dead in the water. And all the effort, all the highs and lows of the past two years, the fun and advancement that I have had with Caution Wet Paint would be for nothing. What started off as a brief showing the Canary Wharf FIlm Festival has actually given me my first real taste of the film industry. And it is a big, bad world to try and conquer. I have continued with Caution Wet Paint, partly as success breeds success but also as I actually enjoy making it. But two years later, all will be revealed. Is Caution Wet Paint the key to the promised land, or will the efforts of the past two years prove to be futile, an extensive cu-de-sac on the road of life.

You may begin to see why I have not mentioned much about film making on this blog recently.

So what happens if all else fails? Well, to be honest, I am not going to face up to that possibility. I have only just started the distribution and there will be a lot of twists and turns before this road is finished. This will occur that I can not yet foresee, but for the moment I will remain cautiously optimistic. I know what the strengths and weaknesses of this latest film are. They were the same pros and cons that I planned for in the Pre-production stage. In essence, the film making world is now out of my hands. For a director with no contacts, I am being a little ballsy with my ideas, but ultimately Caution Wet Paint has come as far as I can take it. Whatever will happen to this idea, this concept and to my film making career in general is no longer in my hands…

Adverts

You can tell a lot about the country you are in by the adverts on billboards and by the adverts on TV. The adverts on billboards appeal to those with very little time. They must be able to communicate their product in an instant in order to gauge the attention of the busy public. However, the advert on TV has no need for such simplistic methods of communication and can rely on fear and loathing in order to sell their product. After all, their audience is far too lazy to switch channels, so they are the most gullible.

For instance, in the UK. Billboards wax lyrical about new mobile phone deals with pretty young women holding those said phones or highlight some fashionable piece of clothing, while TV tells you to make your life better you must do this (buy this skin product, worm out of debt, etc.). Sex always sells…

On India, the billboards tell you about the latest mobile phone deals with pretty young women holding those said phones or highlight some fashionable piece of clothing, while TV tells you to make your life better (buy this skin product, worm out of your mobile phone contract). Sex always sells, no matter what…

But some adverts are distinctly local. In Shillong, the town (like many others in India) are plastered with ads, but as English (not Hindi) is the official language of Meghalaya state, I am able to read so much more of the adverts and so partake in the great capitalist adventure…

I like billboards as they give a keen insight into the workings of a society. Sex is the universal salesman, no matter what part of the world you are in, there is always a pretty woman advocating you to part with your cash in order to make your life more successful (and so by association) get into bed with her/become like her. But there are other things I like to see. What is being advertised is what is indicative of what society wants or what society currently oversupplies. Like chatting to a local person about the ups and downs of life, a billboard is an important window into the soul of a country.

But sometimes, no matter where you go in this world, the adverts are exactly the same. After all this is one world that we are living in, and so what else but a single brand can unify the whole of humanity in happiness and love (with the assistance of a lot of cash). And that ad will always be the same. ‘Happy’. ‘Smiling’. ‘Joyous’. ‘Youthful’. ‘Sickly Sweet’.

(Please note that there is no way in hell that I endorse any of the above products, except for the purposes of sheer comedy! Beacause I really want that mobile phone…)

A nice St George’s Eve

So, in case anyone missed out on the obvious, today is the feast day of England’s patron saint. But as yesterday, the sun was shining, essential as our esteemed Chancellor had a lot of bad news to deliver in his budget. So you can see, with these two factors firmly in people’s minds, no one gave a toss about getting out a flag for George, or other jingoistic tat. There was far more important things to think about.

Really, I have no opinion on the budget. The government is shafted no matter what it does, although all that bailing out has screwed us for generations to come. As a nation we are heavily in debt, and that it is a millstone around our necks. Interestingly, something I thought I would never see in my lifetime, is the re-introduction of the Super Tax. With state intervention occurring everywhere, I think it is safe to say that Thatcherism is pretty much dead in the water at the moment…to be honest, although the headlines scream out 50%, that figure is not going to affect the bulk of us (although I disagree with punitive tax rises). What is a shocker is to see how much as a nation we are borrowing. Oh well, will the last person in Britain please turn out the lights?

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All right, the blogs have been pretty thin on the ground this week, and all for good reason. Jay and Kay Save the World. Yes, very busy editing that little number…